Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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