I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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