rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
