so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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