Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
