You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
