I feel great
I just peed on a car
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize