What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
