I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
