I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
its liver damage thursday
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
