I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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