i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found puke in my bra..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
