it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
