No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
