I wish I could punch you in the face.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I lost the right to judge tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize