mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
