Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
