Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
