at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize