Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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