My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
