wakey wakey hands off snakey
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
