good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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