You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
