With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
