What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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