Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
