Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
