Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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