Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
