Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
