He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
love makes seman taste better
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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