If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
