I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My ass is underappreciated
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
