if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love having hate sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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