for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if only i could text you this smell
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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