You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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