tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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