i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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