He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
