So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Randomize
