I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
