Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
