some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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