I hate all girls vehemently.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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