Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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