so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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