What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
