Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
