my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
