your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
