I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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