Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
