we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
