If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
