Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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