Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
