Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
