she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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