Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
