Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
