I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize