i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
