I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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