i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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