do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
