If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
