I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
