party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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