I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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