Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
